Monthly Archives: December 2013

Look Good Doin It!

This morning I spend a little extra time getting ready….no real reason….just wanted to. I line my eyes, something I haven’t done much of in months, and even brush my cheekbones with a hint of pink…trying desperately not to miss my summer tan. I pull my mascara brush as far as my lashes will reach….thinking all the while IS it possible to put mascara on with your mouth closed?? Next I pull my hair into a high pony and tease it a little bit to give it some volume. I slip on my dress, snap my belt in place, pull on my boots, and choose a dangling pair of earrings. I take one look in the mirror and think….yep…today I look good.

After spending time with some friends and my home girl, Beth Moore, I walk through the church with a little extra bounce in my step, knowing I’m turning heads…and so not mad about it. After all, doesn’t every girl need those days where she just knows she is catching eyes??

Making my way over to the counter I bite my lip as I try and decide which donut to choose out of the dozens available. I snag one and head to a donut’s best friend (and constantly growing to be mine as well): coffee. (Don’t tell BM!)

I pour a nice large cup, my mouth watering as I watch the steam rise and take in the delectable smell. I look around for the hot chocolate mix and sugar, ingredients I still require to truly enjoy my cup, and locate them on the other end of the counter. I begin making my way through the crowd, holding my cup of coffee, and that’s when it happens…

…now I don’t know if things like this happen to you, but I feel like they happen to me all the time, and there’s just absolutely nothing you can do about it. It’s one of those moments where you can almost see it happening in slow motion…you know what’s about to happen milliseconds before it does, but you are powerless to stop it. A nice older woman goes to hug one of her friends and in the process knocks my nice hot cup of coffee out of my hand and it splatters all over me and all over the floor.

Now, something you should know about me…was I sad to lose my cup of coffee? Eh…I felt bad but I knew I could get another one. Was I in pain for the coffee burning a hole in my shoulder? Yep. But I knew that will eventually go away. Was I worried about my dress and if it would stain? Absolutely!! My friends know how much I love dresses. But what was the worst part of all this for me? The embarrassment!! If anyone deeply knows me one of the worst things that could happen to me is to face an embarrassing moment. Something in my spirit just twists in anguish when I am embarrassed or when I see someone else who is embarrassed.

So here I am, probably 60 people watching me and for a brief moment, I am mortified! But the sweet thing is…I take a deep breath and tell God …You know what…it’s ok! I keep repeating to myself…it’s ok.

I assure the woman who caused the collision that it was completely fine and begin searching for some cleaning supplies. A towel is shoved towards me and I gratefully take it. I get on my hands and knees and begin cleaning up the spill. I know there was another woman helping me but I couldn’t tell you what she looked like. Lord please bless her for her mercy. At this point I am oblivious to everyone in the room. It’s just me and God and I have to smile as I think…ok God, I’m listening. And I felt His little reminder in my spirit. Walk humbly Lindsey. That’s what I desire for your character…don’t forget.

Did I do something wrong by thinking I looked good this morning? I don’t really think so. It wasn’t condemnation I felt from God, just a little reminder. I believe He desires us to know and believe that we are beautiful. As someone I know once said “You’re most beautiful when you know you are.” (How true is that???) But I do think God just wanted to give me a little check in my spirit…Lindsey I desire you to be the humble servant…like my Son was. And I believe I can fully be that….on the floor cleaning up a mess……….AND look good doin it!!

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Made Empty to Fill Again

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Pulling out two boxes that have found their home in my closet the past few years, I get ready to do some purging. It’s one of my goals to constantly be getting rid of things I don’t need. Today it’s boxes of old notes and cards people have given me over the years.

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I open the lids and dive into my past. I open card after card from person after person in my life. I laugh at things I hadn’t thought about in years; my eyes well up over cards from people I miss dearly as I remember how wonderful it was to be doing life with them. Realization of how many years I’ve actually been alive sets in as I find cards from people I don’t even remember.

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There are cards for every different season. Thank you’s from people God has given me the privilege to walk alongside in their spiritual journey, affirmations of being the best RA or teacher in the world. So many birthday cards. I kick myself when I come across a few checks and gift cards from years ago that I forgot all about.

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As my fingers open the pages of my memories I have an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. I’ve had such a full life. So many people I’ve had the privilege to know. I’m a people person and am constantly surrounded by them. But when I think back over the different seasons and realize how many people God has blessed me with, it’s almost impossible to wrap my mind around.

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Such a bitter sweetness to know that many of these people I will never see again on this earth. As I process the seasons of friendships, I realize. When God has emptied my life of its current people, He has always replaced it with a new freshness of relationships. When I am emptied of people, He make me full again with new people who also become so dear to my heart. And I am filled with the realization that I could never keep up with all of the relationships I’ve been given. My current life can only invest in so many people. Some I’m bound to let go of. Always making room for more.

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I sort through and try desperately to make decisions on which memories to discard, and which ones I will choose to keep; enjoying the memories throughout the process. Emptying myself of some memories, in order to make room for new ones.

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I firmly press the lid on the box which contains the memories I’m not ready to let go of yet, and carry the chosen ones to the recycling.

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How many more seasons of this will I endure? I don’t know. But I will be thankful for each individual whose story I get to be a part of.