Scrolling over statuses, uploaded photos, and all sorts of postings I process and think about the world of Facebook. I’ve recently been acutely aware of my motivations of what I post on Facebook. And deep in my soul I’ve been wrestling with the idea that Facebook portrays the life people wish they had. And even more than that, the life they hope others will think they have.
For years I made sure my family members got my “permission” before posting any pictures of me online. I was terrified of having a less than attractive picture plastered all over the internet. Just the opposite was true when I did something exciting or interesting my immediate reaction was to post it on Facebook. I was very conscious of what I was posting. Why? Why did those things matter so much?
Last night it hit me. Facebook is like an eating disorder. For several years I have struggled with a form of disordered eating and it’s taken me years to be able to understand it. I’ve learned there are thousands of women who struggle with some form of an eating disorder and each is unique. There are many more forms than just the “stereotypical” anorexia and bulimia. Mine presents itself whenever I’m placed in a situation where I have to make some sort of choice about eating around people who’s opinion I highly value. I have this idea in my head that there is this “better” version of myself who would always make the healthiest choices. So I panic when I am faced with the choice of eating what I want to, or what I think others would view as acceptable. There’s more to it, but in it’s simplest form and how I beat know how to explain the cause, that’s my eating issue.
And I’ve realized that is how many of us are with Facebook. We want the world to see our lives and think….”Wow! She lives an amazing life.” Or “She has it all together.” Or “Does she ever have a bad hair day??”
But I would suggest that deep down we all have a different longing. I believe we desire to be known, completely for who we are, all the ugly, and in that knowing, be fully loved. Isn’t that what we would desire of all our relationships? However, I’ve come to experience that humans disappoint. None of us are perfect at loving, no matter how hard we try. (Thank goodness for grace!) But Jesus….He’s different. He has known me all my life…everything I’ve thought, said, and done. He has known the me before I’ve come this far. The selfish ten year old, the mean and sarcastic middle schooler, the desperately self conscious and self righteous high schooler. All of me; He has known it. And yet….He loves me and He believes I am worth the price of His Son’s life. And so to experience the perfect love of Christ is deeply satisfying. And praise God He changes us and loves others through us. But I will depend and put my trust in the One who loves me perfectly.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18