Well, I started this month off really spiritual, telling God, “I’m sick of giving things up.” Yep. Let’s be honest. I was beginning month 3 of 7, and felt like this would be one of the “easier” months….coming off of fasting from excessive food and clothes….but when it really came down to it, I still had to give something up. And I just wasn’t that excited about it. It’s not in our human nature to want to give things up. And so this month again felt very much like practicing the very thing I want to get better at, but I have to choose with my will to do: denying self, in order to experience more of Jesus.
This month, that meant giving up music. I was amazed at how long it took before my hand didn’t automatically reach to turn on the radio in my car. It’s so engrained in me. I think we don’t realize how many habits we have until we try to change them.
Practically speaking it was a month that was much quieter than usual. I noticed the silence mostly in the car and when I was doing my hair. I tried to be intentional about replacing the quiet with prayer…which proved to be more difficult than expected. I listened to some podcasts on prayer that were very insightful. Sometimes it was nice to just be quiet and give my busy life a rest…..although my mind is always going so that can be difficult for me as well.
I realized how much music helps me connect to God, especially in an emotional way. I really did look forward to times of worship at church and small group, but I missed the intimate times with God where I was alone in my room listening to songs and opening up my heart to Him. I am more thankful now for the gift of music; a beautiful art God has given us to experience Him in a unique way….not to mention how good it feels to drive with the windows down, music blaring, singing at the top of my lungs. ☺️
I wanted to have an epiphany to share. I wanted to hear from God this month, and have a crazy story about what He said to me. But sometimes it’s just about the every day; day to day moments, living life with Him. Right now I’m at a place in my life where I feel so close to Him, surrendered, and free. Whether that’s from coming off a month of practicing quiet, coming off an Easter weekend where I’ve meditated on the cross, or just a result of where He has brought me and what He’s doing, I don’t know. But I’ll receive it. And quietly wait to hear more of His voice.